Why knowing what you really-really want is not just fun daydreaming, but your obligation to the society.
At times, a casual discussion over Friday lunch with your colleagues turns into a little mind game: “What would you do if you won the lottery and didn’t have to do anything anymore?” People start telling their different little fantasies. (I remember one particular chat like this from a few years back: One of my colleagues wanted to own a cheese shop that would turn into a disco at night (?), one wanted to move to Brazil and become a farmer, one wanted to start his own religion, and another wanted to stay at home and have half a dozen of babies and puppies.)
These stories are fun to share. Until some rational person, usually the one who’s also the first to notice when your office is running out of stamps or someone has taken two cookies out of the jar instead of one, brings us back to reality: “Yeah yeah yeah. Dreams are nice because it’s nice to every now and then forget about our crappy everyday lives and picture ourselves living on a paradise beach. But come one, get real: If everyone did what they want to do, nothing useful would ever get done. We can’t have only princesses, rock stars and astronauts.” Right? Wrong.
The biggest mistake we make when talking about dreams is assuming that adult dreaming is the same as childhood dreaming. That assumption is about as crazy as presuming that adults choose what to eat the same way kids would do, if we let them. No, most of us don’t have cotton candy for breakfast every day. And yes, most of us can run a company/team/school class/gas station better than we would have in elementary school. People change, evolve, develop, grow. That’s what this thing called life is all about.
And still we assume that if we all on this planet were to do what we really wanted to do, we would end up with a 6-billion-actor cast of a special edition of Peter Pan in Wonderland.
These stories are fun to share. Until some rational person, usually the one who’s also the first to notice when your office is running out of stamps or someone has taken two cookies out of the jar instead of one, brings us back to reality: “Yeah yeah yeah. Dreams are nice because it’s nice to every now and then forget about our crappy everyday lives and picture ourselves living on a paradise beach. But come one, get real: If everyone did what they want to do, nothing useful would ever get done. We can’t have only princesses, rock stars and astronauts.” Right? Wrong.
The biggest mistake we make when talking about dreams is assuming that adult dreaming is the same as childhood dreaming. That assumption is about as crazy as presuming that adults choose what to eat the same way kids would do, if we let them. No, most of us don’t have cotton candy for breakfast every day. And yes, most of us can run a company/team/school class/gas station better than we would have in elementary school. People change, evolve, develop, grow. That’s what this thing called life is all about.
And still we assume that if we all on this planet were to do what we really wanted to do, we would end up with a 6-billion-actor cast of a special edition of Peter Pan in Wonderland.
Why is this? Because for most of us, the last time we dreamed, really and properly, was when we were kids. It could be that you wanted to be a spaceman, a prince or Cinderella. Or a lion, or maybe a rainbow. I wanted to be a truck driver, because I thought the guys who came by to empty our trash cans were awesome since they got to stand on the little rack at the back of the truck while the truck was moving. That was the coolest thing I knew of when I was four.
However, I don’t want to be a truck driver anymore. Not because there’s something wrong with driving a truck, but because I’ve grown up, learned about myself, learned about the world, about what I can offer it, and how I can best be of help to others. I have become an adult. Also spiritually, not just by age. I now have a clue of what real, sustainable and holistic wellbeing both individually and collectively could perhaps be about. And I love dreaming about what I could give to the universe, using what I’ve learned.
But that doesn’t come without effort. The shocking news is: Real, proper dreaming requires practice, like any other skill. Don’t be fooled to think that if you haven’t done it since you were 8, your skills are up-to-date. Or did ever develop to your adult standards. Have you really answered to your deepest question of not what you want to be (as kids and narcissists do), but what you want to do and give (as responsible adults do)?
Practicing dreaming means doing it not just as something that crosses your mind when you’re waiting for the bus, hating your boss after a long crappy day, or about to doze off. It means making an effort to hear yourself out, asking what really counts and looking for an answer for longer than two minutes. Maybe even keeping score of your dreams.
And all that practice is not just nice for you as an individual; it benefits the society at large as well. The revolutionary thing that I have learned lately after dozens of good conversations with a bunch of fellow adults is this: People who have actually learned to dream (i.e., who have practiced it and taken it seriously) have very sensible, responsible and collectively beneficial and valuable dreams. In my thorough one-woman silent survey, I haven’t met a single adult (please note my definition: physical age alone does not suffice) who sincerely would like to be a princess, live in a castle and sing with angels all day long. Or even be a rock star, charm a dozen teenage girls and get wasted every day.
(And yes, I do know people who actually are rock stars or rock-stars-to-be, but their dream has nothing to do with the outer appearance of the life of a rock star – it’s about being themselves holistically and truthfully and giving their best to the universe via music.)
There are certain patterns in these dreams I have heard from people from very different backgrounds, ages and fields. Examples of these recurring themes include:
However, I don’t want to be a truck driver anymore. Not because there’s something wrong with driving a truck, but because I’ve grown up, learned about myself, learned about the world, about what I can offer it, and how I can best be of help to others. I have become an adult. Also spiritually, not just by age. I now have a clue of what real, sustainable and holistic wellbeing both individually and collectively could perhaps be about. And I love dreaming about what I could give to the universe, using what I’ve learned.
But that doesn’t come without effort. The shocking news is: Real, proper dreaming requires practice, like any other skill. Don’t be fooled to think that if you haven’t done it since you were 8, your skills are up-to-date. Or did ever develop to your adult standards. Have you really answered to your deepest question of not what you want to be (as kids and narcissists do), but what you want to do and give (as responsible adults do)?
Practicing dreaming means doing it not just as something that crosses your mind when you’re waiting for the bus, hating your boss after a long crappy day, or about to doze off. It means making an effort to hear yourself out, asking what really counts and looking for an answer for longer than two minutes. Maybe even keeping score of your dreams.
And all that practice is not just nice for you as an individual; it benefits the society at large as well. The revolutionary thing that I have learned lately after dozens of good conversations with a bunch of fellow adults is this: People who have actually learned to dream (i.e., who have practiced it and taken it seriously) have very sensible, responsible and collectively beneficial and valuable dreams. In my thorough one-woman silent survey, I haven’t met a single adult (please note my definition: physical age alone does not suffice) who sincerely would like to be a princess, live in a castle and sing with angels all day long. Or even be a rock star, charm a dozen teenage girls and get wasted every day.
(And yes, I do know people who actually are rock stars or rock-stars-to-be, but their dream has nothing to do with the outer appearance of the life of a rock star – it’s about being themselves holistically and truthfully and giving their best to the universe via music.)
There are certain patterns in these dreams I have heard from people from very different backgrounds, ages and fields. Examples of these recurring themes include:
- A dream to work for something that contributes to the world in a way they can find to be meaningful (i.e., is aligned with what both their conscious values and unconscious inner voice tell them about what is right)
- A dream to put their own specific skills to work to genuinely help other people
- A dream to live an everyday life that is balanced with regards to work and rest, giving and receiving, being and doing
Now those are some pretty damn healthy dreams to me. They are not unrealistic wishes from Laa Laa Land. Actually, I think we would be better off as a society if these “dreams” were the ground rules of the way we work and live.
Having dreams and actively going after them is not just fun and fulfilling for an individual, but important for the society as whole. Dreaming is not just something we do when we're bored and then brush it off. Dreaming is our duty as human beings. Why? Because it puts our conscious brains to use to ask the question which our unconscious mind already has an answer to.
The biggest wisdom in this society is not in any individual person, any outer object that we worship, or any individual system of rules. It is in every single one of us, but usually hidden from our conscious minds. We have it in us to know how to make this world make more sense. The problem is that we don’t listen to it: We let that potential slip away, because we think those inner voices of what we could do are just distraction. No, quite the opposite. I think they are our biggest assets when it comes to building a better global society.
Dreams are a channel through which to tap into our real human potential, the capacity that is not restricted by illusions of what can and cannot be done. These cant’s and wont’s and not-me’s are probably the single most influential factor undermining the human potential to overcome our struggles.
So, next time you shoot someone else’s – or even worse, your own – dream down because you think it’s ridiculous, think again. It could be that our lives depend on it. After all, who are you to deny your dreams?
Having dreams and actively going after them is not just fun and fulfilling for an individual, but important for the society as whole. Dreaming is not just something we do when we're bored and then brush it off. Dreaming is our duty as human beings. Why? Because it puts our conscious brains to use to ask the question which our unconscious mind already has an answer to.
The biggest wisdom in this society is not in any individual person, any outer object that we worship, or any individual system of rules. It is in every single one of us, but usually hidden from our conscious minds. We have it in us to know how to make this world make more sense. The problem is that we don’t listen to it: We let that potential slip away, because we think those inner voices of what we could do are just distraction. No, quite the opposite. I think they are our biggest assets when it comes to building a better global society.
Dreams are a channel through which to tap into our real human potential, the capacity that is not restricted by illusions of what can and cannot be done. These cant’s and wont’s and not-me’s are probably the single most influential factor undermining the human potential to overcome our struggles.
So, next time you shoot someone else’s – or even worse, your own – dream down because you think it’s ridiculous, think again. It could be that our lives depend on it. After all, who are you to deny your dreams?
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